So its been awhile since Ive really updated this thing for those of you who know me or still care. Im back in SF now, and I started school. Life is pretty good right now, I have a real job at a pizza place, and Im still working at the elementary school. My art is going in a good direction now, Im creating something very beautiful, Im excited!!! My life has changed a lot, in a good way, things are really good right now. I am in peace on the inside finally.

Its really amazing how much life can change in a matter of months. Sometimes life takes you and flies you all around so you can see things differantly, and sometimes when that happens you loose touch with people. Those people tend to feel unimportant, and extreamly unhappy with the other person. However, although those people may feel bad what they dont know is that they are still loved, and thought about often. I dont feel that there are really any good excuses for falling out of touch with people, but sometimes it just happens. My life is completly differant now, but I sitll hold the same morals and values that I have always carried with me, my Christian values and morals. Good friends will always be friends no matter how much time goes by, things change, but grudges should be dropped. Im sorry.

So in my journey I have learned many things, if you want to find out just ask.

My mom was in town this weekend. It was so nice. I didnt realize how much I really miss my mom until she left today. My mom is one of my best friends, which is really amazing because a couple of years ago I pretty much hated her. Its amazing how relationships can change in just a couple of years. I love my mom so much, she is my hero. Its hard to grow up and grow away. Im so far from home now and so alone here. Its hard to be ok all the time when I dont really have anyone else around. However growning up has been wonderful so far. Sad because life keeps on going and things keep changing without having much of a say in it. But thats how life is. Ok so I cant think of anything else so Ill update more later.

Ah back to school. What a wonderful thing.

You gotta love art school. I love it. Im getting along better with more people at my school which is...Fantastic!!! It makes me feel a lot better about everything.  Im acually wanting to paint like all the time this semester. Its what Im about to do right now. Yes! Its the most amazing feeling in the whole world to live my dream everyday, expecially in San Fran. I know, I know I say it all the time, but everyday I just cant believe Im here. I think this is going to be a very inspiring semester.

Sometimes I think about what my life would be like right now if things would have gone in the direction it was going. Damn. Thank you lord for getting me off that path. Im glad.

Ive been walking a lot more instead of taking the extra buses to get me to the bus that I really need to take. Which is nice because Im feeling the burn!! haha! But also its nice to look at the world. Taking differant paths, going the scenic route when I have the chance. Its wonderful. But yeah thats the update for now. Happy to be alive :) ♥

So...San Francisco...Wow.

Well since Ive been home Ive been alone with Seth, and I was kinda on my own for the first few days, but last night we hung out and it was amazing. However, nothing happend. :( We spent the day together, went to the park in the afternoon and came home and he said that he was thinking of drinking. So we drank together and had a very nice converstation about weird stuff, we talked about everything, we even talked about hunny. I just dont understand whats going on. But the bad thing about last night was I hadnt eaten much that day and I got sick and passed out at like 8! Hes gotta think Im a loser. lol Geezz!!!!!! Im sure I looked like an idiot. O well, if he doesnt like me then whatever hes a cool guy either way. But I think that he would be a pretty awesome boyfriend. Ah, its so frustrating! I just dont know what to do!!!

So Im back in San Francisco. Its pretty amazing here. Im just happy here even if I am alone right now. Denver makes me so sad. I dont know why. Well I guess that I do. Its not my life anymore. Everyone is still the same, I still love everyone very much, but nothing has changed. Life goes on in the same way as I left it six months ago. I miss all my friends so much though. Its freakin lonely here. No ones home except Seth. Which if I still liked him it would be a good thing, but...I dont think that I do anymore because..Well I just cant chase that boy forever. So, life will go on, I will meet someone else even more amazing, and will be very happy. And thats what Im going to have to keep telling myself until it happens because right now, I am very lonely!!!!!!!!!! Man I just miss having someone around so much, its so hard to be single when thats something that you really dont want to be, but you dont know what to do. Ha. Man Im a mess arent I. I just dont know what to do to meet guys. Ah, its just so hard and complicated. Well whatever. Itll happen when the time is right, until then, Ill just have to wait.

So my trip to Denver was very lovely. I had the most wonderful time. It was good to spend time with my mom and my little brother, and it was awesome to see my friends. Even though I still missed some of them. :( So Ive come to the conclusion that seeing Morgan was a mistake because now I feel like shit. Which is to bad. I still really love him. Its hurts me a lot. I just need someone to help me move on from him!! A rebound or something because it cant ever happen for us again. Our time came and passed. Anyways. My birthday was wonderful! :) Finally a good one! And next years will be good because Ill be 21!!!! Yeah baby!!!!! Im so excited for that one! Man I cant believe it. Im getting old!!!!!!! :( O well, life will keep on going, but Ill have to update more on that later.

Well I think that is about it. I got a new hair cut while I was in Denver so I thought I would share it with you all. :)

( Me and my new hair do!! )

( In 2005 )

Well its currently January 3 of 2006 that means five more days till I turn 20. Ah, Im going to be an adult, well I pretty much already am but wow 20. Im two decades old. Its crazy how fast time has gone by and how much has changed.  If you would have asked me two years ago where I would be when I was twenty I probably couldnt tell you anything but, with Morgan. Well, Im going to be 20 and Ill be without Morgan. Honestly, its one of the best feelings in the world. My life is so phenomenal right now and it wouldnt be anything like this if Morgan and I were still together. I thank god everyday for showing me the light. I will always love him, but I wont ever be in love with him again. And thats for the best for both of us because we would ruin eachothers lives again. No matter how much weve changed or what not our lives as we know it would be over because we would loose everything, our friends, family, everything, or at least I would. And Ive come to appricitate those things way to much to want to loose them. I love life to much right now anyways to want to be unhappy again. Im a much stronger person and Im so glad for that.

My visit to Denver has been pretty awesome. I had forgotten how beautiful Colorado was, its really phonomenal. The natural beauty is just, breath taking. This is definantly where I want to be when Im over San Francisco. Its been so great to see my friends and family. Although I still havent been able to see some of my friends, which really sucks and I hope that I get to see them. I feel like nothing has changed, and Ive gotten a lot closer to some of my friends that I drifted apart from which fills me with some hope in this world because I really missed those people so much and thought that those ties would be lost, Im so glad that they werent.

I saw Morgan last night. It was really nice it gave me this feeling of  great relief which is absolutly wonderful. I have some last things to say to him and then Ill have the closer that I need and everything will be wonderful. I feel so good today about myself. I feel like such a strong woman. I made it! Yes Finally!! I am so happy and so very proud of myself. I thought that maybe after I saw him I would feel sad and miss him and maybe want to be with him again. But thats not how I felt at all. I saw his life, and saw that hes doing good and Im glad for that. Im glad that hes moved on to a new girlfriend that he acually seems to care about, he has a place to live, and a job and hes doing pretty well for himself. And Im so glad to see that because I still worry about him because I still care about him a lot and always will. He wanted to have sex with me, and I said no. I was very proud that I didnt let him prusuade me for the first time in my life. Im just so proud that Ive finally made it!!! This is the day for me to celebrate. It only took me nine months to get over him but thats ok. Thats a good amount of time for being with someone for five years. I thought that it was going to take me years to get over him but it didnt and Im very pleased with the results of this. Im a better person now because of everything that happend, Im calmer, wiser, and a much stronger person. Yes!!!!! This is the day, known as January 3rd 2006. This marks the true end, the worste is over it can only get better from here. My pain is gone, Im finally over him. Thank you lord.

Half an hour and it shall be Christmas.

Merry Christmas

Denver has been phonamanal. Its almost as if time had stopped when I left. I have changed, my friends have changed. But everything is wonderful. They love me still, they think Im weirder then when I left but what can you expect when someone goes to Art school? I had nothing to worry about. Im glad. Although some friends have changed,  or I guess I should say havent matured enough for me. Maybe this summer. We shall see. Time can only tell what will happen. Ok well thats all.

Twas the night beofre Christmas and its time for bed. ♥ 

I read this, and this is how I try to live my life. At least now. Everyone should read this. Its great!

( Forget your regrets )

Happy Thanksgiving! Although its a day late. lol I was too busy yesterday to get on my computer!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful day!

My Thanksgiving was amazing! My roommates and I had a wonderful dinner. It was pretty nice. I definently know that I can do Thanksgiving with out the family. This was acually one of the best ones Ive ever had. So yah thats good. I did miss my mom a lot, and the rest of my family. Only 2 1/2 more weeks till I go home.

So yeah, Ill write more later. Thats all for now.